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It's the hottest, most intimate thing you can do with your partner—without actually touching each other. The first time you fart in front of each other. The first time you use the same toothbrush experts say that's a no-no, btw. The moment you're pronounced partners for life. For me and my current boo, that list includes the first time we got down with our bad selves Now—just like lube and vibrator use—mutual masturbation is a staple of our sex life. But pseudoscience read: the findings from an Instagram poll and some NSFW convos with my coworkers and pals shows that mutual masturbation is as underrated as non-vibrating sex toys, which is to say, very underrated.
Selfless sex writer that I am, in an effort to sway you and your sweetie toward giving partnered solo play a go, I put together this mutual masturbation manifesto. Considering masturbation is typically a one-person thing, "mutual masturbation" might sound like an oxymoron, but it's not.
So, just as any thorough manifesto does, we'll start with a definition: Mutual masturbation puts two or more! If you've heard of mutual masturbation but thought it entailed manually stimulating your partner while they manually stimulate you "second base," if you willthat's not wrong. Mutual masturbation has two meanings, according to body-positive sex educator Carly S with The Pleasure Chest. But this manifesto is all about watching your partner get themselves off while getting yourself off.
If you have Qs on hand sex, check out this guide to fingering. Pleasure for both partners is a sure thing. One of the best parts of any kind of sex—beyond just enjoying it yourself—is knowing that your partner is feeling good too. And with mutual masturbation, both their pleasure and yours are basically a guarantee. You can see what your partner likes. For visual learners, this is especially clutch. Because as long as your eyes aren't rolling into the back of your head in pleasure, "you literally get to see exactly how your partner likes to be touched," says Carly S.
Your partner is the King or Queen of their Netherlands and the best person to give you a personal tour. Watch and learn. And they can see what you like. Of course, this is a two-way street. The way you fold your labia over your clit to buffer the intensity of the vibe? Your partner gets to see that. The fact that you more-or-less ignore the left side of your clit while doting on the right side? Your partner gets to see that too. Chances are, your partner will ahem cum away with some new moves and grooves to use the next time you both try your hand s at the other definition of mutual masturbation.
Don't worry, auditory learners—you'll get yours too. Turn down the Bryson Tiller or whatever is on your Sexy Time Playlist so you can really hear the hot grunts, moans, and groans your boo's making. Mutual masturbation is also a great way mutual masturbation technique introduce toys into the bedroom. Seeing the toy in action may make your partner less skeptical about the toy," they say. While you're using it on yourself, go ahead and borrow one of these lines: "I wish I could feel you inside me while I use this on my clit" or "I want to make myself come with this toy while tasting you.
It's pretty safe, as far as sex goes. From an STI standpoint, so long as you're not sharing sex toys without swapping the condom covering them firstmutual masturbation has very little risk of transmission. While this is great for couples where one or more people currently have an STI, mutual masturbation shouldn't replace the safe sex talk.
Anytime you're stripping down with someone, you should talk about STI status. If you don't know how to have the STI talk, check out these helpful tips. Mutual masturbation technique can be an appetizer or the main event.
But, if you have time "it's a great act to incorporate before penetrative sex because it ensures that you're super aroused—a must for comfortable penetration. It's insanely intimate. Beyond the sweet physical sensations, personally, I find mutual masturbation to be one of the most intimate sexual acts.
Just like in any type of sex, as long as all parties are on-board, there's no wrong way to do it. But if you're not sure where to start, scroll down for seven mutual masturbation sex positions that are sex-educator recommended and sex-writer tested and approved.
The best position for macking while you masturbate, facing spoons is similar to Side by Side see below but rather than lying on your back, you'll flip onto your sides so you're eye-to-eye and mouth-to-mouth. You can eye-gazekiss, moan into each other's mouths hot! If you're a one-handed rubber, with your free hand, you might touch your partner's chest, hold their face, or trace their upstairs lips. If your partner enjoys nipple stimulation, you might hold a clit suction toy against their nipples, which with lube mimics the sensation of a tongue. Or, if they consent, you might hold a wand vibratorwhich gives you a lot of reach to their bits.
PS: Wand vibrators aren't just for vulva-owners! Some people with penises enjoy the sensation of vibration against their head or perineum. Maybe one mutual masturbation technique you is menstruating and you're not Team Period Penetration. Or maybe you find penetrative intercourse painful. Whatever the reason, if you can't or don't want to have penetrative sex for whatever reason, Wolfe recommends this imitation position. A fun spin on face-sitting, chest chair brings a bit of power-play into the mix. Rather than a partner squatting or kneeling over the other's mouth, they'll lower themselves onto their belly or chest.
For this position, it's usually best to let the bigger-bodied partner lie on bottom. If you enjoy the sensation of handing over control of your hand, put one hand between your legs and the other at your side. Then, have your partner plant their knees outside of your hands, so that you can't move them, suggests Wolfe.
Wolfe calls out that this is an especially good option for folks who feel self-conscious about their partner "inspecting" their genitals while they masturbate. For this position, have a partner lean against the headboard, with their legs spread. The other partner will climb between their legs, leaning back on them. The top partner can nuzzle against their partner's chest, and the bottom partner can lean forward to kiss you or whisper into the other's ear. If your partner has a penis or is wearing a strap-on, sitting dead-center of their lap may make it tricky for them to reach their junk, so scooch your bum so you're a little off-center.
Another option: have them use a hands-free masturbator like the Hot Octopus Duo which does all the work for them. Voyeurs and exhibitionists to the front. For this position, you'll sit on either end of the sofa, facing each other with your legs spread while you do your thang. Nothing is off-limits here, folks.
Pro tip: Put the moisture-resistant Liberator Throw over the couch before getting into position. That way if one of you squirts or spritz when you finish, clean-up is easy. Related: Is Squirting Real? What to Know About Female Ejaculation. Long-distance couples are probably the OG mutual masturbators. But you don't have to live 3, miles away from your boo to boink it with them over the internet. Then ring, answer, rub, and position mutual masturbation technique camera as you please.
And be sure to use a secure server like Skype, she says. Boost the intimacy of the position by overlapping your limbs, holding hands between your bods, or turning your he to the side. If you've never masturbated in front of a partner and are a little self-conscious, this is a great entry position because your partner can get the gist of what you're doing to your genitals, but won't be able to make out specifics. Once you're more comfortable, you can graduate to propping your backs up with a stack of pillows, which will give you a way better view of what the other is doing.
And, you want to steer closer to second base, all you need to do is reach over, as shown. In addition to switching up positions, you can make mutual masturbation even better just as you would any other kind of sex: by incorporating as many of the five senses as possible. Experiment with different textures, vibrations, and fabrics to change how your own touch feels on your body. Put porn on in the background if neither of you makes much noise," says Carly S.
You can also experiment with adding in mutual masturbation technique toys or costumes, playing with temperature, trying with different kinds of lube like THC lube or CBD lubefor exampleand paying extra close to your often-ignored erogenous zones like the breasts, butt, and neck. As Wolfe says, "If it feels good, it's fair game. Guide to Mutual Masturbation. A Handy Ha! By Gabrielle Kassel April 01, Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team.
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5 Mutual Masturbation Sex Positions That Will Get You Both There STAT